Alive or Dead!
by lilachigh2
Summary: Season Six - and Buffy's plans for a sexy evening with Spike are spoilt by a poker game.
1. Chapter 1

**Alive or Dead!** by Lilachigh

Author's Note: Thought we could do with something a little lighter and frothier before the next big story. This is set in Season 6 - Buffy discovers there is a lot she doesn't know about the demon world.

Chapter One: Once Upon a Time…

"Are you going to sulk all the way back to the crypt?" Buffy snapped, rounding on the silent vampire who was walking one pace behind her.

"Not sulking, Slayer. Just bloody pissed off."

"And does being 'pissed off' – and by the way, could you find a more revolting expression? – mean you have to keep scuffing your feet and kicking mail boxes?"

"I had fifteen kittens on the table until you went and bet the whole lot on a pair of twos. A pair of twos! What were you thinking about? If you ever think at all."

Buffy shrugged. She'd wanted to spend the evening in the lower chamber of Spike's crypt. OK, very wrong and bad and she'd probably go straight to Hell, but Xander and Anya had taken Dawn bowling and then she was going to stay the night at their place.

Buffy had arrived at Spike's full of wicked thoughts, promising herself that this was the very, very last time she would give in to them. So being dragged out the second she'd arrived to play in a poker tournament had not been high on her agenda. "You didn't leave empty handed," she said. "Look, you've got a whole box full of – things."

Spike growled. God, she was being so bloody annoying tonight. She'd ruined the whole evening: he'd spent half the time apologising for her behaviour to the guys and the other half wanting to kill them for peering down the front of the white lace effort she was almost wearing. And now, instead of a nice basket of kittens, all he had to show for his night's work was a box of rubbish he'd won when some poxy demon had drunkenly used it as his stake money instead of kittens.

The cemetery gate clanged behind them and Buffy zigzagged between the headstones. She couldn't sense any vamps. Which was bad, because the more she killed the better, and good, because all she wanted at the moment was to crawl between the black satin sheets on Spike's bed and – She stopped and turned, impatiently. Jeez, he was as slow as Xander answering a question about algebra. "What are you doing?"

Spike was peering inside the box he was carrying. "Trying to see what's in here."

"You can't see in this light. Give it to me!" She grabbed the edge of the box and tugged. Spike tugged back and the box, which had had a difficult night too, gave up the ghost and disintegrated, showering its contents over the grass.

"Now look what you've done!" Buffy snapped, bending down to pick things up, unfortunately at the same time as Spike so their heads clashed and she saw stars for a second or two.

"Owww! God, Slayer, your head's as hard as a rock," Spike moaned, clutching his forehead.

Buffy, realising that with her luck her head was the only thing that was likely to be hard that evening, kicked the bits of box in temper, then swung a fist at the vampire who grabbed it and angrily dragged her inside the crypt, slamming the door shut on any passing voyeurs.

Whatever they ended up doing inside, the demon's pitiful collection of goodies never crossed their minds again. So they didn't notice that a small paper bag had disintegrated right outside the crypt door and five shiny red beans had fallen onto the earth. Even then all might have been well, but it began to rain and soon roots were forming, twisting deep into the ground, absorbing all the heat and sexual power that was being generated just a few feet beneath them.

The beans burst open, and tendrils began to rise, slowly at first, then twining round each other, thickening, broadening, heading skywards – heading home.

Buffy's internal clock told her it was six in the morning. She opened one bleary eye, then freaked because it was all black and she was buried in a coffin again and couldn't move. Then a trickle of memory returned and she realised she was only buried beneath Spike's sheets and a large portion of naked vampire was lying across her, his nose buried in her belly button.

With a groan she pushed the sheet aside and wriggled free. God, she needed a shower. Or an hour-long scrub in a hot bath. She wondered, not for the first time, why it was that on TV or movies, people woke up together, having had sex the night before, looking clean and tidy and fresh. She was sticky and smelly; she didn't even want to imagine what she was lying in and she hated the silly smile that kept flickering around Spike's lips as he slept. "Spike! Wake up." She nudged him in the ribs with her bare foot. "I've got to go."

She was busy pulling on what remained of her clothes when he rolled over and yawned himself awake. "You off, pet? What a surprise."

She ignored him and clattered up the ladder into the top crypt as Spike pulled on boots, jeans and T-shirt and followed her. "I've got orange juice in the fridge," he said appealingly. "Stay for breakfast."

Buffy rolled her eyes at him and without replying, opened the crypt door onto a beautiful, fresh, sunlit morning – not!

'What the bloody hell?" Spike peered over her shoulder at the waving leaves and huge trunk that soared up into a sky that was dark with storm.

"It's a tree!"

"Congratulations, Brains. Even I can see it's a tree."

"Well, it can't soddin' well stay there. It's blocking my view."

Buffy flailed at the leaves that tried to wrap themselves round her arms. Long tendrils spun out, catching in her hair. "Spike, you live in a graveyard, not the Grand Canyon! You don't have a view. And anyway, it isn't a tree. It's…it's…"

"A bean stalk!"

"What?"

"A bean stalk, pet. "

"Where did it come from?"

Spike looked shifty. He was trying to remember exactly what kind of demon it had been who'd used his personal possessions as a bet the night before at the kitten poker tournament. He knew Clem had introduced him, but he'd been so irritated by the Slayer's behaviour – she'd been flirting with the Siamese Collector guy - that he hadn't been listening closely. But he had a nasty feeling the wanker had been a Fable Demon. And if that was the case, then this day had just got off to a bloody awful start and was about to get even worse when he explained the situation.

Buffy stared up at the gathering dark clouds. Thunder was beginning to boom in the distance and, even as she watched, a flash of lightning cut across the sky. She could just see where the top of the beanstalk vanished into the gloom. "We'd better chop it down," she said.

"Er – we can't, luv."

"Don't call me luv," Buffy replied automatically. "Why not? Big stalk, sharp axe, one, two, three. All gone."

"It'll grow again."

"What? How do you know?"

Spike shrugged and gazed round desperately for inspiration, seeking a story that would make sense to an irate Slayer and not end up with him getting his arse kicked all round Sunnydale – or what was even worse – seeing the end of her visits to the crypt. Various thoughts flashed through his brain, then he gave up.

"Oh bloody hell, Slayer - it grows from beans that belong to the Fable Demon. He must have been the guy I beat in that last hand of poker. The soddin' beans must have fallen out of the box when you broke it."

"Me! I so did not break the box. And anyway, what's a Fable Demon?"

Spike looked at her, puzzled. "You know, the guy who owns fables and fairy-stories."

Buffy batted away two huge tendrils that were trying to pull her legs from under her. "No one owns fairy-stories, Spike. They're just – well – fairy-stories. Handed down – "

"From generation to generation. Exactly. And who hands them down? Where did they start?"

"Hans Christian Andersen, the Grimm Brothers, Walt Disney?"

Spike was shouting now, to be heard over the thunder that was crashing every few seconds overhead. "And where did they get the ideas? They were given to them by the Fable demon. He does fairy-stories as a sideline. Been quite lucrative over the years, lucky sod. Made a fortune Hansel and Gretl - could have retired after the Little Mermaid and he's still boasting about Snow White and the six Dwarfs."

"Seven."

"What – oh, right. Well, Bashful was based on the Fable Demon's cousin. He wanted to be in a story. There should only have been six."

"You still haven't told me why it'll grow again?"

Spike suddenly leapt upwards, grabbed hold of a branch and swung his legs across it. He reached down and automatically Buffy caught hold of his hand and swung up beside him.

"What are we doing?"

"Got to climb it, pet. Only way. Have to find the giant, steal the gold and get back here before he finds the beanstalk."

"What giant? What gold?"

The branches began to shake as the wind grew stronger and the thunder echoed once more. Spike gestured upwards through the threshing leaves towards the sound. "That giant, pet. Now, climb!"

To be continuted


	2. Chapter 2   Blood, Death and Destruction

**Alive or Dead!** By Lilachigh

_The story so far_: We are in Season 6 - Buffy is having a relationship with Spike - the only person who can make her feel anything since she returned from the dead. One night she goes with him to a kitten poker game where he wins a box from a demon. Following a night of angry passion, Buffy discovers the next morning that a giant beanstalk is growing outside of Spike's crypt and he admits it was a Fable Demon who owned the box. The Fable Demon is in charge of all fairy-stories and if Buffy and Spike do not climb the beanstalk, find the gold and return it to Sunnydale, then the giant will come down and kill everyone in sight! Buffy is not impressed. This was not how she intended to spend the day!

Chapter Two: Blood, Death and Destruction!

Buffy clambered through the swaying branches of the beanstalk, following Spike as he hauled himself effortlessly upwards. She gazed down once, and gulped. Heights didn't bother her, but they were now hundreds of feet over Sunnydale and still the beanstalk stretched above them, disappearing into the dark, thunderous clouds.

"Need a rest, Slayer?" Spike teased.

"At the same time you do!" she shouted up at him.

"Thought you might be tired after last night."

Buffy pushed off with her feet, leapt in the air and caught the branch he was holding. Her weight bent it almost double and with a roar Spike was catapulted off and only just managed to stop himself falling to the ground by grabbing hold of a lower branch. "What were you saying?" she called down sweetly as she worked her way nimbly through the leaves.

Spike growled, then grinned. He knew when he was loosing the fight. Mind you, he bloody well wouldn't tell the Slayer that.

Buffy suddenly stopped and let him catch her up. "Do you really think we need to do this?"

Spike nodded gloomily. "Afraid so, pet. Otherwise the giant will come down the beanstalk, then all hell will break loose."

"I'm trying to remember the story. Didn't Jack climb up and down several times? There were golden coins and golden eggs, weren't there? Or was that another story? I remember reading them to Dawn when she was little. Well, I didn't, of course, because she was never really there, but you know what I mean."

Spike looked even gloomier. "That's the trouble with sodding fairy-stories. Every time they're told, they take on a character of their own. It depends who's telling them."

"So if I don't want there to be a giant, there might not be one?" Buffy said hopefully.

A crashing noise close by shook the beanstalk. Now it was easy to understand that it was footsteps they could hear, not thunder. Spike frowned. He had a nasty feeling that if this fairy-story was being influenced by the Slayer's brain, then it could be very different from the usual fun and games and happily-ever-after rubbish. There could be blood and death and destruction – probably his!

Buffy frowned. "Hey. What if it's sunny up there?"

"Worried about my ashes floating down onto your friends, pet?"

Buffy struggled to pull off some waving emerald bean tendrils that were tangling in her hair, then was forced to stay still as the vampire reached across to carefully free her. She glared into the blue eyes that were suddenly so close she could see every single lash – and the thought flashed through her brain for the millionth time that it was so unfair a guy had lashes that long and dark.

"In my opinion, anyone who doesn't know that he's playing cards with a demon who's that dangerous deserves all he gets."

"You were there, too!" Spike protested. "You saw him. Tall bloke, long cloak. Very drunk. You could have warned me. Anyway – " He shrugged cheerfully, "It'll be fairy-sunlight. Can't hurt me. Don't often get the chance of experiencing it. Dru and me did once when we fell into The Little Match Girl story, but there was loads of snow, too, and Dru killed her before she lit the matches so – "

Buffy stared at him in horror, then turned and grimly began to climb again, sure that it was the damp clouds that were wet against her face, not tears.

"What?" Spike shouted up after her. "What? Hey, vampire here, Slayer. Always have been. Always will."

Buffy pushed her way through dark mist and bright green leaves, angry with herself for being angry with him. She was having to face the fact that what annoyed her wasn't Spike carelessly ignoring what the Fable Demon could do, but that he'd had an adventure with Drusilla. Their years together shouldn't have worried her, but like a mosquito bite, all she wanted to do was scratch the itch.

Which was ridiculous because she wasn't in love with Spike, she was only having sex with him, trying to find some feeling in a world that seemed endlessly distant since Willow had brought her back from the dead. But sleeping with Spike was turning into an enormous problem that she didn't know how to solve.

She could imagine what her friends would say if they discovered her secret. They'd so think she'd lost her mind!

Suddenly, the tendrils grew shorter, the leaves smaller and Buffy found herself scrabbling off the end of the beanstalk, onto bright blue earth. She felt the thud of Spike's body next to hers as she rolled over and peered around. To her amazement, everything was blue – the ground, the grass – which swayed feet above her head, bushes the size of trees and trees the size of skyscrapers. The only green in this world came from where the top of the beanstalk could be seen, torn shreds of mist swirling around it.

She felt she'd been catapulted once more into a strange new world and almost welcomed it. She couldn't remember what her heaven had been like, but this soft blue light was oddly comforting. "What do we do next?" she whispered.

Spike lifted his head and peered around. "Find the giant. I reckon he'll stay close to the gold. We grab the gelt, then leg it down the beanstalk, back to Sunnyhell. Once the gold is down there, that will be the end of the story, the beanstalk will shrivel up and we can all get back to normal."

Buffy stared at him suspiciously. "This isn't just a plan to get your hands on some cash, is it?"

Spike rolled his eyes at her. "Oh yes, Slayer. I really love climbing sodding hundreds of feet into some poxy fairy-tale before I've had my morning blood! Anyway, it'll be fairy-gold. Not real. Once it touches the ground it'll vanish."

"Well, where is the giant?" she hissed in return.

Just then the air quivered and the grasses over their heads shuddered and flailed as a roaring noise resounded around them, then a long high pitched whistle tore at their ears and a wind threatened to blow them back down the beanstalk. Buffy clapped her hands over her ears as the roaring and whistling sounded again and again. "Jeez! What's that?"

Spike stood up cautiously, fighting against the wind that was trying to blow him over. Buffy gazed up at him. To her astonishment he was laughing. "I think we've found the giant, pet."

"Where?" She stood up, grabbing hold of his arm as the roaring came again followed by the whistling wind.

Spike grabbed her hand and pulled her forward, pushing the grass aside. Suddenly he stopped and she peered over his shoulder. At first she couldn't work out what she was looking at, then realized as a foul wind hit her in the face, that it was a vast mouth, three times taller than her, wide open, full of crooked yellow teeth. Above, two nostrils the size of small caverns contracted, the roaring hurt her ears and she braced herself as the wind came whistling out of the mouth again. The giant was lying in the grass, fast asleep and snoring.

"He's enormous," Buffy whispered.

"Giants often are, sweetheart. Odd that. The clue's in the name."

Buffy glared at him. "OK, Mr Smarty Pants, let's find this gold and get the heck out of here before he wakes up and goes all Kong on us."

Spike opened his mouth to say, "Hey, that was a fable too at one time," then decided that perhaps this wasn't the best time to tell her that they could have fallen into the story of King Kong if the statue of the big ape had been in the demon's box last night.

Cautiously they crept along the length of his arm. From what Buffy could see, he was wearing a leather jacket with short sleeves. The hairs growing out of his skin were as thick as her wrist. "Where do you think the gold is?" she whispered.

Spike shrugged. He was hungry, irritable and getting a crick in his neck from gazing up at the mounds of heaving flesh. And the snoring was hurting his ears. He hoped bitterly that the Fable Demon was lying in a gutter with a severe hangover this morning. The next time he saw him he'd –

"Look!" Buffy grabbed his arm. Clutched in the giant's sausage shaped fingers was a floppy bag with a drawstring neck. It was made of some soft red material and bulged alarmingly with hard, coin shaped shapes.

She ran forward, ignoring Spike's hoarse whispered warning. She tugged at the material, trying to tear it, but whatever it was was too tough. "Have you got a knife?"

Spike froze as the huge fingers twitched, then relaxed again. "Oh yes, Slayer, I always stick a knife in my pocket when I get out of bed." He reached out and grabbed at the bag. "Pull!" he hissed and as the material stretched tightly between them, he vamped into game face, and brought his fangs down to slice through the strongly woven threads.

"Team work, pet. Together we're invincible." He shimmered back to human and grinned down at her, frowning as she sent him an odd slanting glance. Then she plunged her hands into the bag and pulled out a handful of coins. They glittered in the odd blue light.

"We'll never carry it all," she said under her breath, trying to push coins into her pockets.

Just then the fingers clutching the bag, moved and the world went mad. Buffy and Spike were sent flying through the air to crash down into the grass yards away as the giant rolled over and climbed to his feet.

_"Fee, Fi, Fo Fum,_

_I smell the blood of an Englishman,_

_Be he alive, or be he dead,_

_I'll grind his bones to make my bread!"_

The voice roared out, making the very air shake and quiver. Huge feet crunched towards them and hundreds of feet below in Sunnydale, people gazed up at the angry sky and sheltered from the thunder.

"How can he smell you?" Buffy yelled, diving behind a vast sapphire flowering bush and ducking as a midnight blue and violet bee the size of a robin zoomed around her head.

Spike rolled sideways as a vast hand swooped down, missing him by inches.

"Bloody hell, I don't know, Slayer. Maybe he's French! Always hated those poxy buggers."

_"Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum,_

_I smell the blood of an Englishman."_

"Head for the beanstalk," Buffy yelled and bending low, she zigzagged towards where the green shoots spilt out over the bright blue ground.

She was feet away, with Spike at her back, when a roar shook the air around them. She was flung to the ground, Spike covering her body with his own. Then, even as she squirmed to get free, she felt the vampire being plucked away from her. She turned to see the giant holding Spike between a finger and thumb, his legs kicking helplessly. "Spike!"

"Go, Buffy! Take the gold down the beanstalk. It must touch the ground or else the story won't end - " His voice broke off as, roaring once more about Englishmen and blood, the giant turned and carried him off.

Buffy slid head first through the gap in the ground, grabbed the beanstalk and swung herself down the first couple of branches. Then stopped. She could feel the gold in her pockets, knew she should slide down to the ground and let the beanstalk disintegrate. She knew she had to leave Spike to his fate. He was a vampire. No one would mourn his passing. Her friends would be glad and it would solve all her problems. She would never have to tell them now that she was sleeping with him. Her personal "giant" problem would be solved. Yes, there was no choice: she had to leave him.

And she reached up and began climbing – upwards again.

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3  A giant problem

**Alive or Dead!**

By Lilachigh

T_he story so far: _A poker game results in Spike winning a box of goodies from a Fable Demon - the guy who owns all the fairy-stories in the world. Buffy - who is determined not to sleep with Spike any more! - wakes up with him in his crypt, only to find a giant beanstalk is growing outside. Spike tells her they have to climb it, kill the giant who lives at the top and bring his gold back to the ground before the fairy story ends. But the giant captures Spike and Buffy, who has escaped, is confused as to why she is going back to look for him and not escaping!

Chapter Three: A giant problem

"Stupid vamp! I am so going to kick his butt all round Sunnydale when I get him back there," Buffy muttered under her breath as she crawled through the six foot high, bright blue grass towards where she'd last seen the giant and Spike. "How difficult was it not to get caught? All he had to do was run faster. He's old, that's the problem! OK, not so old as Angel, but still old. Getting creaky and ancient and – " She stopped, guiltily remembering that if he hadn't guarded her back with his body the giant would have caught her as well.

Why had he done that? He could have saved himself, left her to her fate. And even as she logically thought that through, she knew with every traitorous nerve in her body that he would never have done that. Because he loved her. And as she crept along the ground, she shouted down the voice in her head that told her why she was now trying to save him.

Then all thoughts vanished as she parted a thick clump of grass and gasped as she saw the giant. He was sitting by a roaring fire, flames of indigo and aquamarine leaping a hundred feet into the air.

A vast metal pot was slung over the fire on a tripod, sapphire and cobalt smoke rising from the bubbling liquid inside it. The giant was busy peeling potatoes, taking them from a vast heap, chopping them up and adding them to the boiling water. He was humming to himself. Buffy pulled a face: she hated men who hummed, even if they were several metres taller than her.

She slid closer, desperately trying to feel if Spike was nearby. "Where the heck are you?" she muttered under her breath. She could always tell when he was close. The little hairs on the back of her neck tried to braid themselves together. Even as she spoke, they began making frantic patterns and suddenly she spotted him, trussed up like a turkey, tied to a wooden pole lying on the ground behind the giant's back.

She could feel the heat from the cauldron stinging her face as she darted from stone to stone, hiding, ducking, praying that she was too small for the giant to notice. The last thing she wanted was to have to fight against the knife he was using. It was the size of a redwood.

Just as she reached the last piece of shelter, there was a rumbling roar from the giant and the ground shook as he stood up and lurched away. Buffy flung herself across the final few yards and skidded to a halt by Spike's bound body.

"What the bloody hell are you doing here, Slayer?" The snapped greeting and angry frown weren't exactly what she'd been expecting.

"Oh nothing, Spike. Just saving your miserable unlife. But don't bother to be grateful. After all, what else have I got to do this morning?"

"Stupid bint! You shouldn't be here," he muttered as she tugged at the ropes binding him to the pole. "Little Cecil is going to pop me in his stew any second. You don't want to stay around to be dessert."

"Cecil? You know him?"

"Well, we haven't been formally introduced, me being all tied up and about to be eaten. But I call him Cecil. He calls me lunch!"

With a final pull, Buffy got him free. "I can't hear him. Where's he gone?"

Spike grinned at her. "To get bloody onions and carrots for the stew, I expect. We need to move fast, Slayer. We must get out of here."

She turned away, then his hand shot out and grasped hers. "Why did you come back for me?"

Buffy stared into the eyes that were asking more than a simple question. Different answers roared through her head. 'Because Dawn will be furious if I let you die.' 'Because fighting a giant is better than being bored at home.' 'Because I love you.' No! That couldn't be the reason because she didn't love him. Not at all. Not even the tiniest bit. At all.

Before she could speak, the thunder of giant footsteps sounded in the distance. "We need to move now, Slayer," Spike said quietly, and she broke her gaze from his, angry with herself for not being able to give him a swift, sensible reply.

They peered out round the side of the cauldron and Buffy groaned with frustration. "He's standing between us and the path back to the beanstalk."

"Oh great. This day is getting better and better. Any second now he'll scent me again. Get ready to run."

"He knows you're here, stupid," Buffy hissed. "He'll expect to – euwwww – smell you!"

Spike turned and smiled at her, his eyes glinting with mischief. "Well, then, he'll probably smell you as well, pet. You did say you needed a bath this morning - and we both know why!"

Buffy glared at him. "We need to distract him." She stared around her, then, "Take off your T-shirt."

Spike raised an eyebrow suggestively. "Pet, I'm game at any time and anywhere, you know that. But even I think that making love at this precise moment isn't the best suggestion you've made recently. What do you want to do, embarrass Cecil to death?"

Buffy glared and pointed to a huge potato that had rolled away from the others. "Wrap the T-shirt round that and throw it into the cauldron. I'm hoping he'll think you got free and fell in."

Spike eyed a vegetable that was the size of a small boulder. 'Turning me into a bloody spud chucker! Pity Peaches isn't here. The Irish like their potatoes." He shrugged and tugged the shirt over his head.

With the boulder wrapped in black cotton, he hefted it up and tossed it as high and hard as he could. For a second Buffy thought he'd missed, but it soared upwards and splashed down in the boiling blue water.

With a roar the giant spun round and strode towards the cauldron. As he peered into it, Buffy and Spike raced past the trodden down heels of the boots that towered above their heads.

Then the were diving into the thick blue grass stalks, pushing their way through, aware that at any second there was going to be a thunderous roar of rage – The air shook and a shower of pollen bullets, all the colour of a summer sky, flew into their faces.

"That didn't fool him for long, pet," Spike grunted. He estimated the distance to the top of the beanstalk. It would be touch and go.

"We could do with that poxy invisibility spell someone cast on me," Buffy gasped as she vaulted a twig that stood four foot high. "I know you didn't approve of me being all non-seey girl, but it would be so useful – I wish we were both invisible now. "

Spike glanced back at the woman he loved and skidded to a halt. "Buffy! You've vanished!"

She gazed down at her feet – empty space - then looked at Spike – and he wasn't there.

"It's the fairy-story, pet," he whispered and pulled her under the branches of a bush. "I told you, whoever is telling it, the story alters to their wishes."

Buffy frowned. "Huh! Earlier I wished there to be no giant but no one listened then, did they?"

"Well, you wished to be bloody invisible, pet, and now we both are."

"Jeez, remembering how well that ended last time! I – ummp"

Her words were stopped, effectively, by Spike kissing her. She struggled for a couple of seconds, then the sweet power of his mouth relaxed her as she realised the heavy footsteps were coming closer and closer and he was trying to keep her quiet.

It was the weirdest sensation. If she closed her eyes, the feel of his smooth bare chest under her hands was so familiar, so right, that she could almost imagine they were back in the safety of his crypt. The kiss deepened and he pulled her tighter to his body, his hands suddenly rougher, more urgent, possessive. She opened her eyes and there was nothing there. No Spike, no Buffy. She closed them again and gave herself up to - just feeling.

She was vaguely aware of the giant passing them, of the crashing and bellowing as he tried to find them. The 'Fee, Fi, Fo, Fums' were getting fainter – or was it just the thumping of the blood pounding round her veins that made her deaf to everything else?

"We'd better move, Slayer." Spike lifted his head long enough to mutter in her ear. "Imagine us solid again, pet."

Solid. That just about summed up her life, she thought drearily. Solid and mundane. Be a Slayer, see the world. Oh, no, actually you won't. All you'll see is Sunnydale, the Hellmouth and various hell or heaven dimensions, depending on the month of the year.

"Come on, Buffy. Stop playing games. We've got to get the gold down the beanstalk – fast!"

"I – I can't!"

Even though she couldn't see the vampire's face, she could hear the puzzled outrage in his voice. "Why the bloody hell not?"

"I don't – I don't know. I don't know why we went all non-seey to start with. "

Spike groaned. "God, you certainly choose your moments to get stage-fright, pet. OK, look, let's get down to soddin' Sunnydale and sort it out there. Cecil will be back soon, looking for snacks and I'm too young to be the meat inside his sandwich!"

It was weird running through the long grass, not being able to see the man whose hand she was holding, just aware of the pressure of his fingers grasping hers, his bare arm against hers.

Then there was the hollow in the cornflower blue ground where the emerald leaves of the beanstalk were – disappearing fast through the hole in the mist!

"Spike! What's happening?"

The vampire threw himself full length on the ground and slid headfirst into the mist. The beanstalk was disintegrating under his hands. And from a long, long way away, he could hear the thud, thud, thud of an axe.

"Buffy - quick! Some idiot's chopping it down. If it falls, we're bloody well be trapped here in the fairy-story for ever. Take my hand. Hurry!"

"Where are you? Spike, I can't see you!" Buffy skidded to a halt on the edge of the hole. The leaves were already sliding away, shrivelling, vanishing. And for a long moment she was tempted. They could stay here, inside the fairy-story. Make a home somewhere in this blue, blue world. Fight the giant. Have adventures. Live in the fairy-sunlight. Be happy. Be free. Be together.

"Buffy - jump! I'll catch you. Trust me!"

Trust him? Trust a vampire? She could never do that. She turned and took a last swift look at the swirling blue world she knew she would never see again.

And jumped into the now empty hollow in the mist because she loved him.

Two a.m. in the morning. The oldest graveyard in Sunnydale was as quiet as – well, as a grave Buffy thought. There was no sign of the beanstalk now, of course. It had shrivelled into dust when she touched the ground with the fairy-gold in her pockets. And within seconds, that, too, had gone.

She sighed. The second she'd jumped and Spike had caught her, their bodies had become solid again. The sight of Xander swinging the axe, trying to chop down the beanstalk, the shrieks from Willow and Dawn as she and Spike came tumbling down from the sky, Anya's howls of dismay as the glittering gold vanished in front of her eyes – all were now memories.

Spike had been lucky. The thunderclouds above had lasted just long enough for him to race for his crypt and slam the door shut. Buffy hadn't even had time to thank him – she was too busy trying not to explain to the others why the vampire was naked to the waist.

And so her mundane world would continue on its way. Slaying, working, worrying about money. She pulled a face and absentmindedly staked a vamp who leered at her as he rose.

There was no way she was going to see Spike tonight. No way at all. That had been the very last time.

The crypt door opened under her hands but the top room was empty. She could feel her chest tighten and her breathing quicken as she clambered down the ladder into the underground chamber.

Spike was sitting cross-legged on the bed. He looked up and grinned wickedly. "Slayer – to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Buffy shrugged. "Just passing by. Thought you might like to patrol. Kill something. Hit something."

He patted the bed next to him. "I can think of all sorts of somethings I'd like to do, pet. Care to join me?"

She wasn't going to walk across the crypt to his side, definitely wasn't going to kick off her boots and curl up on the bed next to him. And she certainly wasn't going to put her arm round his shoulder and peer down at what he was holding in his hand.

"Look, pet. I found this outside in the grass. It must have come out of the soddin' Fable Demon's box. What do you reckon it is?"

Buffy stared. He was holding an old brass oil lamp, carved with intricate patterns. She took a deep breath as he licked his finger and tried to clean the dirt away that was encrusting the lid.

"Spike - don't touch it. Don't rub it. Put it down!"

But she was too late!

The end

Sequel will follow in a few weeks if you'd like one!


	4. Chapter 4 Live Dangerously

Alive or Dead!

Chapter Four : Live Dangerously

Buffy drifted awake, stretching luxuriously: she'd been having such a weird dream - all about Spike and a giant and being in the vampire's crypt and shouting at him not to rub the little oil lamp he was holding, because, hey, even she knew that meant a genie would appear and -

Her eyes flew open and she gazed through a pale pink mist that was swirling round the stone walls. She was still lying on Spike's bed, but he was no longer by her side. Through the mist - that smelt of the very nastiest cotton candy - she could see him lounging in a chair, and perched on the arm, her breasts brushing his ear, was a girl with bright red hair and big brown eyes, wearing a bright pink bikini, a very small bikini.

Spike looked up, sensing she was awake. "Hi, Slayer. Look what we did this time. Bloody great - a genie."

Buffy swung her legs to the floor and stood up, batting away the mist, trying not to cough. "It's a girl! I thought genies were little fat men wearing turbans."

"Well, that's rude. I'm not an it, my name's Melody." The red-head pouted and ran a hand through Spike's hair. "Tell her not to be so rude, Spikey, or else she won't be allowed to stay and watch."

Buffy wondered if you could actually kill a genie. "Stay and watch what?"

Spike grinned, his eyes sparkling. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, Slayer. There's no orgy planned, unless you're keen to try a threesome, of course! Genies come in all shapes and sizes; er, Melody is one of the, er, most interesting I've ever seen. I didn't realise the lamp was active. Most of them aren't. God knows why the Fable Demon was carrying this around with him: they're bloody dangerous in the wrong hands."

Buffy felt a trickle of unease wriggle down her spine. "And yours are the right hands?"

"She's being rude again, Spikey! Hey, listen, Skinny Minny, there isn't time to chat, I'm on a clock here. Spike called me forth and so he gets one wish. I know, I know, I can tell by your expression that you think it should be three, but it got so boring because everyone just wished for more wishes with their last wish, if you see what I mean, and I spent days and days bringing houses and cars and money. It was soooo tiring, I mean, like exhausting. I was completely shattered and so now he can't just wish for a hundred wishes - they've changed that rule, too. One wish and he gets ten minutes to think what he wants. He's already wasted five of them, waiting for you to wake up!"

With a flash of long tanned legs, Melody slid off the chair arm and wandered around the crypt, trailing clouds of pink mist after her. "You could always wish for an interior decorator to come and convert this cave into something really cute and modern."

"You could also wish for Melody to vanish back into her lamp," Buffy snapped. "Or put on a few more clothes."

"Then he wouldn't get what he wants most in all the world," the girl said tartly. "And I'll have you know it gets really hot in there. Cosy but hot. Hey, I thought you and him were close - what with being in his bed and all - but you don't seem that keen on helping him wish for something really wonderful." She returned to Spike and leant over the back of his chair, her hair cascading down across his shoulders. "I think I can see a little bit of the green eyed monster in your girlfriend, Spikey. Did she want to rub - " she paused suggestively, then as Buffy's gaze lasered on to the floor, went on - "the lamp first?"

"Spike - listen - be careful - just wish for something silly - like a new TV or a crate of Scotch - and let her go. This could be dangerous."

The vampire stood up, the amused expression fading from his face. "Is that what you think I need most, Slayer. A new TV?"

Buffy bit her lip. "No, of course not. But this is magic, Spike. You don't know if it will work or what the consequences will be. You're the one who's always telling us that magic has consequences."

"So if I wish not to be a vampire, you'd think that was a waste of time."

Buffy shivered: the pink mist suddenly seemed very cold, the silly, childlike adventure was becoming something very different. Spike to not be a vampire! That was such a weird thought she couldn't get her mind round it. Could the genie undo Drusilla's work all those many years ago? Was that really possible and if so, did Spike go back to being William? Who on earth would he be if he wasn't a vampire? "Is that what you want?" she whispered.

"Well, there's a reaction I didn't expect. Pure horror." Spike suddenly sounded very English, his words clipped and precise. "Don't look so appalled,Slayer. I might wish for world peace instead."

"Oh, I'm so dreadfully, sorry, but I can't do world peace," Melody said, from where she was now rummaging through a drawer that held Spike's shirts. She pulled out the scarlet silk one that Buffy loved to touch and flung it round her bronzed shoulders. "I'm only a 3rd class genie - I'm still in training - so I can only grant personal wishes. I can't cause anyone to die or bring storms or earthquakes or floods. Oh and I can't do plague and pestilence yet. Not till I get to 2nd class - oh, but I can do boils and toothache." She beamed at Spike. "I could give Skinny Minny here a wonderful set of boils if you want."

"She's just another Anya," Buffy snapped, wondering where the heck her sense of humor had vanished to in the short time she'd been asleep or unconscious.

"Our friend Anya is an ex Vengeance Demon," Spike explained but his voice was vague, as if he was thinking of something completely different.

"Oh, I am so not a Vengeance Demon! How insulting. I'm a Genie, Lamp of, 3rd Class. And I'm getting cold - sometimes my wish granting gets a little off when I get cold. Just saying."

"This is stupid! Listen to her, Spike, she doesn't even know if she can grant your wish correctly. Anything could happen."

Melody yawned and picked up the oil lamp. "I really don't want to hurry anyone, but I need to get home and have a little nap. Come on, Spike. Just make a wish, any wish."

The vampire stared across the crypt at Buffy; and there was an expression on his face she couldn't read, but somehow she knew it was vitally important that she did. "So, you don't want me to live dangerously, Slayer. Or live at all, come to that."

Buffy glared at him. This was so unfair - how could she possibly tell him what she wanted when she didn't know herself. She was the Slayer, Spike was a vampire. They were sworn enemies and, okay, he was chipped and her part time lover and useful and - she felt a shock of pain through her body - her life would be very empty without him if he wasn't there.

But she could tell him none of those things, because he'd turned away with what she now realised was a face contorted by some sort of anguish. With one swift stride, he crossed the crypt to Melody and whispered something in her ear.

She looked startled and before Buffy could ask, the genie said "Well, OK, but it seems a really big waste of a perfectly good wish. But it's your choice, Spike! Your wish is granted!"

And with a flash and another cloud of smelly pink mist, Melody vanished and the oil lamp she'd been holding fell to the floor and rolled, unheeded under the bed.

tbc


	5. Chapter 5 Is it a Spell?

Alive or Dead

Chp.5 Is it a Spell?

Dawn Summers came hurtling down the stairs, late for school as usual, wondering if she would have time to even pour herself a bowl of cereal, let alone eat it. Tara, who usually cooked her pancakes or waffles, was away at some wiccan event and not due back until that evening. For the past three days, breakfast had been either Buffy's attempt at pancakes - usually burnt - or left-overs from whatever they'd had for supper the night before.

She'd stopped expecting her sister to take her mom's place. Buffy was the Slayer and soooo busy that nourishing meals didn't often happen. And she was out such a lot at the moment, patrolling, checking that Spike was not up to some dreadful evil, getting herself back into the swing of things after the being all dead. What was hard to accept, though, was that Buffy never seemed happy. Oh, she said she was, even though she'd been brought back from heaven by Willow.

But after she'd rescued Dawn from Sweet, the Dancing Demon, she'd seemed even more uptight and cranky. She came back from patrolling looking hot and sweaty with the oddest bruises on her arms and legs. Dawn had carefully pushed to the back of her mind that when she'd accidentally caught sight of her sister in the shower last week, she'd had what looked like a bite on the soft rise of her breast.

So she was used to Buffy being silent in the morning as she fought the toaster and put together Dawn's lunch. But this morning was different - Buffy was singing under her breath, a catchy, happy tune and when she turned to greet her sister, she was smiling, eyes sparkling. "Morning, Dawnie. Isn't it a lovely morning?"

"Er...yes."

"I made you eggs and pancakes with funny faces."

"Buffy, I'm fifteen. I so do not need funny face pancakes, but, hey, thank you."

"No problem. Quick, sit and eat before they get cold."

Dawn glanced at the clock, but being late for school was way down her list of priorities now. She was tempted to say, "Who are you and what have you done with my sister?" but this was Buffy, a happy, cheerful, glad-to-be-alive, Buffy. It was weird and unsettling.

"You're all good moody today," she ventured through a mouthful of pancake and syrup.

Buffy laughed. "And why shouldn't I be?"

"Well, you know, coming back from heaven and everything that's been happening and - "

"Oh none of that's important. Sometimes you just have to wake up to see that what you've always wanted is right in front of your nose."

Dawn glanced up, expectant, but realised with a sick disappointment that this wasn't going to be some big sisterly-bonding moment. Buffy was gazing out of the window, arms wrapped round herself as if holding in the excitement that danced in her eyes. She took a deep breath: Buffy being happy for a change was nice. "Hey, I'm going to be late. Thanks for breakfast."

"Don't be late home. Xander and Anya are coming for supper."

It was dark when a screech of brakes leaving rubber on the road echoed down Revello Drive and Xander's car came to an abrupt halt outside Buffy's house. The message he'd received from Anya was brief and stark. "Come at once to Buffy's. Big trouble."

He sat, frozen for the moment, unable to conjure up the will to get out of the car and rush inside the house. Fear coursed through his body as he sat staring out at the place that had been the centre of his life for so many years - fear that was always there, lurking in the background of his mind every time there was a major problem in the Slayer's world.

As far as he was aware, he hid his terror well, not even Anya knew, although he sometimes thought she guessed. But he realised only too well that one day the forces ranged against them would be so terrifying that the fear would break through and he would turn and run, and keep on running because he could never face his friends or live in Sunnydale again once that occurred.

He wondered what would have happened all those years ago if he'd admitted to Buffy that he was scared. Oh, they all had said they were at different times, facing different demons and vampires, death, torture and destruction. Angelus had left him unable to sleep without a light on. The Slayer accepted that her friends were scared - she was proud of the fact that they still fought at her side - well, two steps behind her, if he was accurate. But she had no idea that his fear was more than that - it never went away, it had become part of his life, just as the realisation that Buffy Summers would never look at him with anything but affectionate friendship. The only reason he had ever fought was because of his feelings for her.

Shifting in his seat, he tried to force himself to open the car door. Unrequited love had warped him, he knew that. Oh, he loved Anya, but it wasn't the same. Could unrequited fear warp you in the same way? How brave was it to swing himself out onto the sidewalk, slam the car door and walk towards the door? He had no idea, although he felt that his time for hiding how he felt was fast running out. But at least there was one chink of light in the darkness - since she'd been recalled from death, Buffy had shown zero interest in men. He could cope with anything as long as that remained a fact.

"Hi guys! What's up? Another apocalypse? Didn't we have one only just last week." He pulled on the cheerful Xander persona like a comfortable pair of shoes on aching feet. Then he felt his grin fade as he took in the grim expressions on the people sitting round the table.

"It's Buffy," Willow began, running her fingers through her hair.

"Oh, don't worry, she's not injured," Tara broke in, looking more puzzled than upset.

"There's no need to look quite so terrified," Anya said tartly, pulling out a chair and waving him into it. "I personally think that Willow is over-reacting, but then you'll probably agree with her so I thought it best that you heard straight away."

"Heard what?" Xander glanced at them, bewildered. "Where is Buffy?"

"That's the problem," Willow said grimly.

"Oh, I don't think it's a real problem," Dawn said. "Just, kind of, you know, weird. But I'm OK with it, I think."

"It's probably a spell," Anya said, trying to sound interested and failing badly.

Xander banged his hand on the table. "Will someone please tell me what the heck you're all talking about?"

"Buffy's gone to live with Spike," Anya said, her words sharp and cold. "And do close your mouth, Xander, I can see the remains of pizza all round your teeth!"

For once Xander ignored her. "Gone to live with Spike?" The words made sense, but at the same time they didn't. "What? Why? When?"

"Well, we can answer the last question," Willow said tersely. "She left about an hour ago. Packed a case, came downstairs and just - you know - announced she was off and she'd be at Spike's if we needed her."

"Needed her?"

"Sweetie, do stop repeating everything. I'm telling you, it must be a spell."

"She likes Spike a lot," Dawn ventured. "Perhaps she loves him."

Xander felt sick. "It must be some sort of joke." He spun round to Dawn. "Have you been annoying her, Dawnie? Is this a sort of "stop being a brat or I'll move out", thing?"

Dawn shook her head, biting her lip. "I thought that...I asked her was it my fault...was it something I'd done or said. I promised to do more in the house...but she just..."

"She smiled," Willow broke in grimly. "She smiled at us, Xander, and it was horrible. She looked...all sort of glossy and happy and said she knew now that where she belonged was with Spike and she was - well, going there."

"We asked her to explain," Tara put in softly. "But she wouldn't listen."

Anya was busy filing her nails. "It's a spell," she said again, then broke the file in two and said loudly, "I can't keep on saying this. It Must Be A Spell, although, on second thoughts, Spike is very fit. Buffy might just fancy him."

Xander stared at his lover, appalled, then found himself clinging to the only words that made sense of the nightmare. "A spell - yes! That's it. Will - you haven't, I mean, lately, I mean, by accident or..." His voice trailed away as his best friend glared at him across the table.

"No, I haven't cast a spell wishing Buffy to go and live with Spike!" she snapped. "And I was so much younger and upset about Oz when I did that other silly spell. Give me some credit, Xander, for growing up!"

"Then perhaps another witch has magiced her," Dawn said brightly. "I mean, we know there's lots around Sunnydale. Perhaps Buffy upset one of them really badly."

"Or she just fancies Spike."

"Ahn, stop saying that!"

"Well, sweetie, I don't know why you're all so touchy about it. But the easiest way to find out is just to go and ask her, isn't it?"

"Anya's right," Willow said, trying not to frown at using those words out loud. "And as it must be some sort of charm, then I'm sure Spike will know all about it."

Tara started to speak, then stopped. She didn't think that chasing after the Slayer was going to get them anywhere, but she recognised that look on Willow's face only too well. The red-head hated being thwarted when it came to magic.

Xander stood up. "Right, let's go. Quickly, before, well, before Buffy gets too - settled."

He couldn't put into words what he really meant: the appalling vision of the Slayer sleeping with the vampire was now firmly embedded in his brain and he couldn't shift it. "Or whoever's doing this casts another spell, even more - spelly!"

tbc


End file.
